One Friend Named Darkness

Grab another bottle,

Pop another pill,

Put a needle in the vein;

Just searching for a thrill.

While he stands at a distance,

Silently he’s watching.

He knows what you’re up to,

And he’s also plotting.

How do you get this lonely?

How can you be this numb?

But you’re with him now,

So there’s no room for love.

Add a stranger to the bed,

Shadows that disappear like ashes,

Just one more cigarette;

All lost within the masses.

No direction or salvation,

Left at an aimless wander.

Is there a cure for this?

Can you get rid of this monster?

No lights at the end of tunnels,

No clouds with silver linings.

Just a steady sky of gray,

Accompanied with all his bindings.

A prisoner to the empty,

Nothing to be felt.

No blood drawn from wounds,

A stoned heart can’t melt.

With a best friend named Darkness,

The one that knows you well.

He keeps all your secrets,

He promises not to tell.

No rest for the wicked,

You can’t sleep at night.

Is it because of your conscious?

Or is he by your side?

A mind on the fast track,

With thoughts of pure nothing.

While he’s outside waiting,

Because it’s you he’s hunting.

Trying to find another high,

But it won’t last long enough.

He’s got a hold on you,

And he likes to play rough.

With hands full of ice,

And eyes full of flames;

Everything within aches,

And you’re the one to blame.

Drowning in the void,

Staring into the abyss.

Blankness is the canvas;

Tell me who you miss.

Trying to turn off feelings,

But in turn destroying it all.

Now you only have one friend,

Who’s only there when the night falls.

The Bird

They were gone yet managed to stay;

Funny how it worked out that way.

Upon her flesh and within her mind,

Scars from those that had been unkind.

Words that had went in deeper than any knife,

And blows to be felt for the rest of her life;

Echoes from shadows that lurked in the corners

And feet that couldn’t seem to move forward.

A little bird now forced to think flying is an illness

As it was insisted there was more beauty in its stillness.

Not just that, but that her wings were the wrong color;

And with the ones she had, she would never find a lover.

So they pushed her to change and she aimed to please

But when she failed they went in search of their fantasy;

Leaving behind nothing but a mirror that had been broken

With the ability to repeat all the cruelness they had spoken

And no matter how many times she shattered the glass

It always managed to reform and haunt her with the past

Until she began to believe the mirror and the deserters

And gave way to thoughts that continued to hurt her.

So now the little bird with gray wings thinks she’s imperfect

Because someone pointed out nonexistent cracks on the surface.

 

Divide And Conquer

Let’s go to war:

Take up arms,

Aim for the core,

Ring all alarms,

Ready your ammo,

Build your fences,

Prepare for woe,

Gather all defenses,

Use words as blades,

Make actions bullets;

Can either be saved?

Honestly we shouldn’t

But blood’s been drawn

And scars take over

All before dawn;

No sign of closure.

Brick by brick,

Blow by blow,

Ever so quick,

Stones are thrown,

Shots are fired,

Cover is taken;

We’re both wired

As we’re forsaken.

Upon the battlefield,

Amongst the wreckage,

Neither of us yield,

Clear is the message.

A storm rages,

Both inside and out,

Traps in cages,

No room for doubt.

Love taken hostage,

Anger given control

As it spreads carnage;

Winning is the goal.

Hurt gets to reign,

A crown of thorns,

Neither side wanes;

Hearts are scorned,

Egos are bruised,

Beliefs are wounded,

Powers were misused

Then all was ruined;

Heaven turned to Hell,

Amity turned to anarchy,

The castle walls fell;

A handmade tragedy.

More lost than gained,

Ending in a stalemate,

Both have been drained,

We’ll call it checkmate.

Tonight

Tonight my heart is breaking

And no one knows I’m aching.

The halls are quiet but people are here,

No one that walks by can sense any tears.

No one checks in, the door goes untouched;

No one asks if I’m okay, that’s asking too much.

How easy it would be, to slip a bullet in the chamber

How quick it would be, just a moment’s worth of danger.

I can count how many have ever left, first two then three then four

Each and every one that ever walked out the barbed wire door.

No one ever left a note, just wrote less and less

Until they ripped a piece right out of my chest.

I tried to stop the bleeding with the broken promises left behind

But all I did was cut myself with the realization that I was blind.

No one texts or calls, the phone remains forever silent;

I’d have to reach out first if I were to seek any guidance.

They all just drift away as I remain stagnant;

How do I begin to turn myself into a magnet?

I beg you, take my survey and tell me what I did wrong.

Why am I unwanted, why don’t you ever stay long?

I’ll be your temporary band-aide and pray it’s enough

Although before long, I’m sure you’ll pack your stuff.

They’ll be shifts in the dynamic, things will start to change

And that’s when those who are close become so estranged.

Whether we talk won’t matter, you won’t care like you used to

And the pain will destroy me, but it will never damage you.

Maybe I’ll use that razor’s edge and you can watch my life fade

After all, it doesn’t really seem to matter whether or not I stay.

Yes, tonight my heart is breaking

And I am no doubt here shaking

But I’ll pretend that I’m okay, yes I’m fine;

Because to bother you would be a crime.

Besides you’re oblivious, completely unsuspecting

And after all, it’s only me that you’re neglecting.

Death at Weddings

“There’s death at weddings; it’s where two people die.”

He just looked at her perplexed before finally asking why.

“It’s supposed to be that way,” she tried to explain,

A hint of sadness in her voice, eyes full of pain.

“Two souls are meant to merge into one

Then the transformation is over and done.

But people are flawed and this presents a problem

Because it keeps the love from being able to blossom.

They stand up and say I do, intent to give it their all

But instead they just give half, then get mad at the fall.

They think the two halves will somehow make a whole

But that’s never how it was intended to reach the goal.

Before it all they have this mindset that it won’t last

And this is what leads way to destruction so fast.

They plan the event, decorating with dead flowers

And get cold feet as they count down the hours.

Money disappears all while the tensions rise;

So much emphasis placed on the blink of an eye.

Eventually they rush, decide to get it over with

This is why the perfect wedding is just a myth.

You see, instead of enjoying the moment with one another

It’s as if it just becomes a time for each of them to suffer.

So always be wary of people with this state of mind;

Don’t let the chaos and pressure make you so blind.

Remember that after the blink there’s an even longer aisle ahead

Because even though you die at the altar, you don’t remain dead.”

“Do you really believe all this?” he asked.

“I do.” She answered as the moment passed.

Dear Future Christmas

Dear future Christmas, please be kind to me

Because I hate to admit it but I actually miss my tree.

Give me a Halloween before you filled with costumes and adventures

And all the things in the past that I had to unceremoniously surrender.

Hay rides, leaf piles, and bonfires

For these are things I truly admire.

Grant me a happy Thanksgiving dinner

So that I can finally have a glimmer

Of hope, happiness, and better days to come

Then maybe I’ll mend and not feel so numb.

Let there be peace, a fathering with no fighting

So that it may lead into a month of good tiding.

May I be rich in spirit despite empty pockets

As I sit by warm fires and sip on hot chocolate

Send me mistletoe and reasons to wrap presents

And conversation that keeps me awake till I’m content.

Don’t let there be broken promises or broken hearts

Because just for one year I can do without these parts.

Just bring me long nights and even longer days

As the little ones look out for Santa’s sleigh.

Allow me to be with family and friends who seek my presence

Instead of those that have made this time more than unpleasant.

Let us attend parades, parties, and Christmas light shows

And send us plenty of your winter wonderland snow.

May the ornaments be meaningful, the homes inviting

And the eyes of everyone be bright and shining.

Play the story of the Grinch on repeat as well

So that I can relate and to others tell

How despite my bitterness I still wished for something better

And in doing so we all managed to come together.

May the day lead to an even better new year

So that I can finally get to experience all the holiday cheer.

Let there be fireworks, a countdown, a gentle kiss

Then I can go to sleep knowing I got my wish.

Dear future Christmas, please be kind

Dear future Christmas, keep me in mind.

Tis Not The Season

They say its time to deck the halls

It’s the time of year Santa calls

But for me it’s the same story

One that’s usually pretty gory

It involves a missing Mother Mary

And a Joseph that’s not so merry

With empty boxes under a tree

And no mindset full of glee

Watching the others open their gifts

As my gaze would slowly shift

To all their smiling faces

Receiving warm embraces

Caring mothers and doting fathers

Meanwhile mine couldn’t be bothered

A season of togetherness turned sad

Reminding me of all I’ve never had

Missing parents, missing presents, missing love

Put a check mark beside all of the above

Basing your worth off the amount received

Taking everything you have not to leave

Fake it till you make it, put on a smile

Be a good girl, you have to stay awhile

Even if your hands and heart are empty

It’s not like you really needed that many

I’ll think of Nester the long eared donkey

And watch the show just like a zombie

The poor creature alone and cast aside

Sounding so similar to my own alibi

Haunting child’s eyes holding back tears

But it’ll be okay, it’s just another year

Still, at night there’s no milk and cookies

Cause fair is fair, so Santa won’t get goodies

The Story

This is how the story goes:

You’ll do something wrong

She’ll tell you its fine

You’ll say you won’t do it again

She’ll believe your lie.

She’ll keep her mouth shut

And decide to stay

Give you another chance

But you don’t deserve it anyway.

She’ll watch herself become second

You’ll insist she’s first

She’ll avert her eyes

And you’ll miss the hurt.

Silence will become her normal

She won’t put up a fuss

Just watching you patiently

And nothing gets discussed.

Inside she’ll become distant

As the trust you build falters

She’ll cry herself to sleep

This is the worst kind of slaughter.

Deep down she’ll try to rationalize

Blame herself for all that’s wrong

Tell her self to suck it up

And try to remain strong.

Maybe even go out of her way

Just to make you like her more

Convince her self that if it’s done

Then you won’t be like the ones before.

But history likes to repeat itself

So the same mistakes you’ll keep making

Because she lets you get away with it

So you’ll decide to just keep taking.

No changes to be me made

Or faults to be admitted

Excuses to be voiced

So it’s still permitted.

But her eyes will lose their shine

Her voice will grow quiet

You’ll notice all this

But miss the oncoming riot.

Eventually you’ll ask if it’s fine

But she won’t be honest

You’ll go about your business

And break another promise.

Eventually she’ll approach you

Try to bring forth all issues

But you’ll try to distract her

So she’ll stop making wishes.

Within her a volcano will roar

Building up fiery resentment

Until it finally erupts

And there’s no more contentment.

With white hot fire in her eyes

She’ll call you out on your bullshit

Her voice will roar like the flames

With all the smoke she’ll emit.

This is where the story ends

Tragic isn’t it?

Proving Love

Sooooooo, I’m sorry I haven’t updated as much as I would like. I’m just going through some stuff which is normal for me but anyways I’ll try and upload more. I’ve just been trying to get this new job I have worked out plus class stuff and personal life drama rama. I’m going to say sorry in advance though if some of the stuff in the next few weeks seems well, gloomy. But hey, most of the stuff on here is gloomy anyway right? Here you go though.

You’re not in love with me and I have actions to prove it

For you look at me with dead eyes and a solemn face

And I’m at the bottom, the very last on your list

And not once for me have you wasted a wish.

You’re not in love with me and I have the words to prove it

For you say “I love you” but not that you want or need me

And there’s broken promises like shards of glass on the floor;

A deep feeling within my heart saying I’m not the one adored.

You’re not in love with me and I have the exchanges to prove it.

Cause I can tell I’m not your favorite anything

And our conversations are dull and far too quick

They’re only skin-deep, spoken from closed lips.

You’re not in love with me and I have the questions to prove it

Because I lay awake at night wondering if I’m enough

Overanalyzing, critiquing and doubting myself

While you sleep peacefully not knowing I’m in hell.

You’re not in love with me and I have the loneliness to prove it

Since you can be standing next to me and feel a million miles away

Somehow in the moment but still completely disconnected

While the unfinished foundation just sits neglected.

Yes, you’re not in love with me and I have all this to prove it.

I’m not in love with you and I have the sadden heart to prove it.

An Angel’s Rose

Did you ever hear the story about the angel and her rose?

It’s naturally one of those about the way some love grows.

She left the boy in charge, asked him to tend this simple garden.

She needed security, a small test to see if he could safely guard it.

He had fallen in love with her and its colors so he quickly obliged

He was excited yet so reckless that things were bound to go awry.

With its delicate stem and its pure white color it was incredibly rare,

She gave him clear instructions, give it sunlight and water it with care.

Yet he didn’t understand that both the rose and her wings were still growing,

As he stroked them each roughly in a manner that was far too foreboding.

She scolded the boy and tried to explain that he needed to be more gentle,

That in order for it to mature properly this tenderness was essential.

She told him how the roots weren’t grounded, that they needed more time,

And explained how her wings needed more patience if they were to ever fly.

Still, like a child he threw caution to the wind and ignored all instructions

Trudging along the path that would lead to pain and unthinkable destruction.

He let the rose wilt and handled her wings so roughly that feathers would fall

He treated these things she loved as objects, as if they were simply rag dolls.

Before long the beautiful rose had died and her wings were completely broken

And during this whole time he neglected to realize that they were merely tokens.

The rose she had intended to give him once it had grown as strong as their love

And the wings she was going to use to show him they could endure like doves

But because he had failed she was forced to walk away broken hearted

And this is the sad story about how from Heaven the angel departed.