So, I’ve wanted to work on this piece for a while but like with most hot topic issues, it never wants to come out of my head quite right. Maybe its because I’m literally a noob, or maybe its because I really have no clue what I’m doing in regards to this topic. Maybe I’m too idealistic, maybe I’m too pessimistic to an extent, or maybe, just maybe, something’s wrong with me in regards to this aspect. See, I can’t really understand how other people do it. I have friends who insist it will get better, mentors encouraging me its all part of learning, and others just writing it off as human nature. All I know is it’s annoying to me beyond belief.
It started off simple, a night with my cousin and her showing me her kik and MeetMe thing. Her young eyes bright with encouragement thinking that maybe these two things somehow held the keys to some greater issues going on in my life. I’m a naturally curious person, so I looked through her phone. Not her kik because I already distrusted that, but her MeetMe because I was out of the loop and had never heard of it before.
I was immediately disappointed.
The thing with me is, I’m 21. So right now, I’m at a crossroads, the line between “I’m young, I can get away with wasting my time” and “I’m just really too old for this shit.” And no, I’m not going to start blogging about the trails and errors of dating or something like that because that’s not who I am. But what I want to rant about right now is the fact that we live in this society that’s just all about instant gratification and that doesn’t fly well with my Libra balance scales and me.
Here’s my issue with it, with pretty much everything here lately; I feel empty or numb like 85% of the time in regards to personal interactions. I’m not being challenged and I can’t function on meaningless conversations; it’s just not done. And it’s really saddening to think this is what actual human interaction has become. I already have this huge fear of commitment and this is just making it worse for someone like me.
See, I had this friend awhile back send me this link in regards to how human interaction is these days and I couldn’t help but find myself being more than a little frightened by it. The video talks about how technology in a way has made us more selfish even though it’s supposed to connect us. Hell, I even feel selfish just ranting about this because when you get right down to it, that’s not totally what you guys are here for. You’re here to read short poems and stories, give me a like, and then be on your way. But my work has been a little lacking lately and I feel like this stuff is the reason why; because I haven’t gotten it off my chest.
I won’t bore you the details of the video, if you want you can watch it here. But it points out how we measure self worth by how many likes we have, or followers. Ever since I started this blog, I have to admit that my brain set has been focused on this. Days that I see low number visits, I wonder if there’s something I’m doing wrong. On days when I see none at all, I want to roll into a ball and just vanish. Then there is now this newfound mounted pressure to actually write something because well, isn’t that what you’re here for?
And I see it on social media all the time too. I love my cousin but she’s my best example. She’s always after more followers, more likes. She uses apps to boost herself and get herself noticed. The latest trend is always on her page. Starbucks pictures, countless selfies, lip-syncing videos; its all there.
When she let me go through her MeetMe, some of the guys were just as bad. Some inboxed her asking what she would rate them. Others rated her. But what’s the point? It’s just a number, isn’t it? Maybe I can’t wrap my tiny, inexperienced brain around it, or may be I’m just wired differently. Whatever it is, I can’t base my own attraction or self worth, or anyone else’s for that matter, on a number. Anyone who asks for a rate, I just feel like they’re insecure to some degree and at the end of the day that just makes me sad because the truth is, those people are special in their own way. They just haven’t been around the right people to help them figure it out.
Then of course, you had the opposite end of the color spectrum. The ones that began with the “Yo, you’re going to come chill with me tonight” or something of that nature. One guy had started a Truth or Dare game without saying hey, another had asked if she wanted a sugar daddy (again, without saying hey), and another had called her beautiful then asked to ask a question. When she said sure, he asked if he could use her pics to relieve himself.
So this is what people have to look forward to when they date?
Maybe this is just the wrong dating site entirely, but from my understanding, other sites really aren’t all that different. Or perhaps maybe I just don’t have enough experience actually dating to get/understand all this. I know it’s not supposed to be like this by a long shot. But I’ve yet to see people prove that it goes the opposite way entirely. I’ve only seen it in movies so………what else am I supposed to believe?
Personally, at the moment I have no reason to date so it’s like “why do you care?” I have the blog to focus on, an upcoming job opportunity that I’m more than thrilled about because I feel like I’ll actually be making a bigger impact, school projects to do, etc. But I care because I know this isn’t just my cousin. There are probably countless other people going through the same stuff thinking “For the love of God, why is it so hard to do this?”
It’s literally like this giant social experiment gone wrong. Please don’t get me wrong though; I’m not knocking dating sites, or even dating. I’m expressing the fact that I really, truly don’t understand 95% of the people on those sites who try to use it as a booty call or the 75% of the population who’s idea of a date is going to a bar, getting drunk, going home together then never speaking again. Maybe other people are just conditioned to deal with it better than I am, but I don’t have a tolerance for it.
For those of you have kept up with me so far, good job because I’m not even sure if I’m keeping up with me. To those of you thinking, this girl is off her rocker, I apologize. For anyone thinking I don’t have a clue in regards to what I’m talking about, well I think it’s time for a short story.
In high school, I sucked at anything remotely requiring socialization. I also wasn’t very good at flirting and letting the guys that I liked know it. Fast forward senior year, I have a guy one day in science class who sat behind me tap me on the back and proceed to tell me that he missed some notes and he asks for my number to get the notes from me. I’m clueless and I give him the number. I don’t think anything of it because this guy is a jock. There’s a social order here; I was aware of it and I knew that him and I didn’t belong in the same pack. So it’s whatever right? Wrong.
By the time I get home, I already have a text from him. The phone vibrates and I look at it funny thinking “geez, he really wants those notes.” Instead he’s telling me that he asked for my number for a different reason. The reason? My bra strap was showing in class. Apparently this is scandalous. I don’t know if some people just expect boobs to stay up on their own or if they just expect every girl ever to not show their bra strap because its “unladylike” but I don’t have a problem putting a bra on then putting an off the shoulder shirt over it. Again, its whatever to me but in this case I was wrong.
I just tell him “Yeah, I knew, and I didn’t care.” The guy then goes on to tell me that I’m the reason he didn’t get his notes; that I distracted him. For all you people who hate the code of conduct against girls in school, can I get an AMEN?! Because stuff like this teaches girls that they should feel ashamed of what they wear, that if they wear skirts or something like that, they’re just asking to be harassed when the real issue is that guys aren’t taught to respect the fact that its our bodies and we aren’t sexual objects. Anyway, I digress.
Being the outspoken, upfront person I am in regards to what I put on my body (because by this point I already had my first tattoo on my arm and wore it around proudly thinking I was a badass), I tell the guy to deal with it. Then there’s another plot twist; he tells me that he doesn’t mind and goes on to ask my bra size. When I tell him it’s none of his business, he goes on to apologize, saying he’ll leave me alone. Before he goes though, he takes it upon himself that he is into me but if his friends knew, they’d think he was gross for liking me.
White hot rage; that’s the only thing I can think of to describe it. I just did not want to live on this planet anymore. But what could I do? It was senior year, we would be parting ways soon and it wouldn’t matter anymore. So I just told him off in my typical Heathen fashion and left it at that. Or so I thought.
Fast forward, it’s time for my first year of college. I stayed local, and to my unlucky demise, so did he. We ended up at the same college, and at the same introductory tour. I steered clear but because I’m the type of person who never changes their phone number, I get a text message from him again. Of course, I had deleted this contact so I had no idea who was texting me and responding with a predictable “Who is this?” to his “Hello.”
He told me then asked how I had been since graduating and that he wanted to ask me a question. I was polite, told him I had been fine, and just because I’m such a curious person that even though thoughtlessness in the human race annoys me to no end, I still found myself asking exactly what he wanted just to see how far he was going to put his foot in his mouth this time.
Low and behold: The Virginity Conquest. Mr. “I Missed the Notes” is still a virgin and doesn’t want to go to college a virgin. This is apparently a horrific American stigma amongst men today. It’s beyond sad that people believe that if you haven’t lost it by the time you start college something must surely be wrong with you. Anyway, his proposal was to lose it to me before college. Naturally, I’m not okay with this because well, I’m still a virgin myself, and I didn’t intend on losing it anytime soon; especially not that way. I gave him a firm “Hell no” then tried to play “therapist.” I asked why didn’t he want to wait and lose it to someone who he really liked and cared about. He insisted it would be easier to lose it to someone he wasn’t as involved with like that because it would make him less nervous.
Do you see why I have such little faith in the human race?
Any guy reading this, let me pause here. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not hating on your gender. I’m simply stating that I don’t understand the majority of your gender. This is probably due to the fact that because I’m so young, 9 times out of 10, I’m dealing with a “boy” and not a “man.”
That being said, some women are just as guilty of being shallow, careless, thoughtless, etc. I’ve known females who would date one guy, get upset that he wasn’t giving her so much attention, then instead of complaining to him about it, they would just go ahead and find someone else. Some of these were really good men too that couldn’t spend as much time with them because they were busy working or something and they just ended up doing them wrong. I’ve had female friends who have openly admitted to me that they use the guys they’re with for money while in the long run not really being all that into him. Others I’ve known have turned down perfectly respectable guys just because he didn’t live up to their expectations in the looks department or found some other small insignificant thing to use against them.
All in all, I have examples on both ends of the spectrum that are really going about all their interactions the wrong way. They think that what they’re doing is okay when to me, its not. I know I can’t speak for everybody but I hope at least some parts of the population agree with me when I say that its not supposed to be like this.
Its like society thinks they have this all down to some unnatural science. Fill out these questions on a dating site, we’ll match you up, and bam, you have your soul mate. Send someone a picture of a bunch of numbers corresponding to questions, tell them to pick whatever, and you give the answer. It’s become a formula of sorts and I can’t help but wish for the days when you learned these things organically about someone.
See I don’t think conversation should be forced. That being said, when you go to actually have a conversation with someone, it should be an actual conversation. One where you and whoever just get lost and caught up in it and lose track of time. A conversation that starts so effortlessly that by the time its over you already know the stuff that really matters. Like maybe the fact that they have an unnatural fear of water because of some traumatic childhood experience, or maybe that they lost someone when they were young and never got over it.
It could be any number of these things but what it is doesn’t matter. What matters is that you learned about the person without forcing yourself on the person. You put thought and effort and meaning to everything you discussed with them. You didn’t give one-word answers, you gave paragraphs. You told stories, you shared, you connected on a spiritual and emotional level. People don’t get that kind of connection from planned interactions and timed questions.
And the best part about these interactions? You do it without expecting anything in return.
You see, sometimes when you do manage to have an actual conversation with someone and you share your worries and problems, its like they expect something in return. I’m not saying it always happens, but I have had it happen to me and it just down right sucks.
Some guys or girls will spend so much time in others and feign so much interest while secretly wanting something. Maybe the girl wants money, maybe the guy wants sex, or maybe it’s the complete opposite and the roles are switched. Either way, they spend so much time and effort into it, only to be hinting and pushing towards ulterior motives. And the other person maybe tries to brush them off, or hint that they’re not ready or can’t do whatever the hell it is the other person wants. But how do these scenarios usually end? We see it on TV all the time. The guy tries to pressure the prom queen into giving up her virginity, the girl pressuring the guy into the cooperate job leaves him for someone with a bigger wallet.
And why is it they do this? Because they don’t know how to really wait for a good thing when they get it. That prom queen could have been the best wife for him ever, that guy could be a millionaire if she just gave him time. But because we live in a society that is so dead set on getting what they want right when they want it, and even though those people could have had a connection, they go ahead and move on anyway just because they don’t get that good things really do come to those who wait.
It’s like people don’t see people as people anymore. They can’t see past the wallets, the faces, the phones, the labels, the clothes. My cousin treats her iPhone 6 more like a human than she does me sometimes. It’s sad, but it’s a truth.
I’m not exactly sure how other people deal with it. Maybe they’re number than I am. The majority of the population is older than me anyway so maybe that’s why they can deal with it better. And truth be told, I’m not even sure what I hope to accomplish with this rant.
All I know is something isn’t totally right with the way we treat each other. My call to action here would be to treat people better, but that’s kind of a no brainer isn’t it? At least it should be.
At any rate, if you’re in the dating ring or if you’re just as disgusted by the type of human interaction I described as I am, then I think the best thing you can do is try to separate yourself from these type of people. If you know they’re going to put you down and in a foul mood, you’d probably just be better off avoiding them altogether.
If you get lucky, and you’re one of those rare people who can find another soul to stay up with you until dawn talking about anything and everything, then congratulations. You truly found a diamond amongst all the rocks in the world. I say that because, our bodies change as we grow old so if you fall in love with that, tough cookies, one day you’ll see wrinkles. But if you fall in love with someone’s brain and the way they think, that’s pure gold. If they have the kindred spirit of a child, or make you think like an old philosopher, if they just seem to have an endless thought process with some of the most outrageous and crazy, but down right brilliant ideas, then you’ve found a gem. It doesn’t matter if they have the same likes as you on a dating site, if you totally disagree on everything under the sun, or even if they seem completely crazy; if their thought process can make you think and inspire you in ways you never imagined. Then bingo guys, you found something very special.
Think Existence 